Update

I'm surprised I'm even still attempting to write here.

It's been a crazy month and my opinion of blogging changes daily. Nevertheless, I'm being an utter hypocrit and telling the public world my feelings and thoughts regardless.

I've been on summer for about a month now and as quickly as it's gone, a lot has happened which has influenced and changed me as a person.

My first week was spent meeting new, various people and getting a little too drunk a little too often.

The next 2 were painfully spent doing work experience at Oxford Street doing Fashion buying and Pr above topshop. As glamorous as it sounds, it was anthing but that. Lesson learnt that I want to pursue a career in anything BUT fashion. The atmosphere is dull, bitchy and uncomfortable, in the least judgemental way possible I felt that everyone who worked there lacked in intellect and charisma. It didn't help that the extremely camp man whose desk was opposite mine liked to blast Capital radio all day. However, working above Topshop and next to Urban Outfitters was LETHAL. I now understand why my balance has dropped dramatically.

Despite the day's being dull and never ending, I made sure I filled my evenings wisely e.g. Arcade Fire and Mumford and Sons in Hyde Park!!! As much as I would have liked to have been tipsy, the vibe was still incredible and I've never enjoyed dancing and singing along so much in such a cramped space.

The following week I headed to Portugal with 7 of my closest friends. We stayed at my best friends beautiful villa which I have been to before but this year was just memory filled. I did some lifechanging things which for now I have no regrets but am anxious this laid-back approach I'm taking may change. If any of you are remotely close to me you will understand where I;m coming from. If I'm perfectly honest I have been lying to myself all week saying I am fine with the aftermath of things but I'm not! Of course I would have liked things to have developed and share actual emotions. I have allowed myself to be used, and depsite maybe gaining a better reputation in looks. I've learnt that they do not gain respect nor do they help with people wanting to get to know you! I;m fed up and will just say that I want a relationship!! Is that so wrong?? Being a girl, we overthink the smallest of things and create perfect scenarios which we know will never happen. The reality of things is brutal but it so appears at this horrible age of 16, under going the task of 'searching' for the right person is utterly pointless. 

Despite that rant of unwanted feelings, I did have a good week and had the biggest laughs every day and will look back on that week to never forget.

Mumford

Arcade Fire intro

So lying in bed now at approx 2.41, not sleeping due to overthinking, heat and laziness.

I hope people who know me or know of me who read this don't think of me anyless. I can honestly see why people slate people who have blogs, they write their inner thoughts on a public website. But maybe it's a cry for attention? We all have one every once in a while.

Any ho, I'll leave you with a few tunes to reflect your deep side.

Arcade Fire - Sprawl ii (mountains beyond mountains)

All Saints - Pure Shores

The Killers - Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine

Imogen Heap - Hide And Seek

Nothing unknown or original but all cracking songs which are personal to me

Cheerio